Ruins Of Silence

Be warned.
This is a venting blog.
Not my usual happy ones because im in such an angry mood right now that i am rejecting everything that makes me happy.

Their will be no names but most of you will probably guess what this is about.

Im hating these holidays. People always tell me im so lazy and anti social for not going out.
Im sorry that i dont feel the need to go out every fucking day in this heat. Id rather stay inside where it is cool.
Dont get me wrong, i do go out to the movies and peoples houses. But i dont feel the need to do that every day.
Please stop complaining that i never go out, Im pretty sure the reason for me not going out is that when i ask for money you never give it to me because you dont have any money.
Im pretty sure it is you that is taking my centrelink payments so you can buy yourself clothes and not me. Im fine with it, but i would like some money to go out. Dont spend it allon yourself.

Im also hating that no one ever sticks up for me.
So whenevr you go out and have fun with your friends you come home and tell me all about it even though most of the time im not interested because it is the same thing over and over again.
But when i go out with my friends and have a great time and i want to tell you about it, you go and say hush lady gaga is on, you turn up the music. yet you own the album and can listen to it whenver you want.
Obviously you never see that im hurt by what you do. You never have and most likely never will.

Today when you told me to go "play in traffic" when i was talking to you about something that made me happy. It made me extremely angry and upset. Im on the verge of tears writing this.
Because you do not care and like you have said "cut off ties" with me when your older.
Im thinking about seeing a therapist or someone like that because I dont like being angry and upset all the time.
I need a shoulder to cry on and maybe sometime to tell me once in a while that they enjoy my company.
I will never get that from you.
You see me always moody, angry and upset, yet you never pause and stop and think about why i am like this or why am i in this mood? No you just sit there and call me names and say things to make me even more angry claiming that seeing me angry makes you laugh.
I wish i could do the same thing you do to me, yet i can never do that because i will never be as cruel as you are.